What’s Next?

Clay Banks via Unsplash

This website turned 10 in April 2023.

I was in high school when I first began to explore writing as a creative outlet. For a while, I drifted, meandering my way from DeviantArt over to Tumblr for a little bit before eventually landing here 11 years ago. I had many thoughts on what I might do to “mark the moment",” but if I’m being honest, all of my ideas were either entirely self-indulgent or just frankly exhausting. Or worse yet, both.

Instead, I decided to continue with my absence from writing. The leave wasn’t so much that I was drifting from or had lost interest in the medium as a hobby and more like I felt like I had lost my voice. See, over the years, the way I’ve approached writing has evolved, going from short stories and terrible poetry (which, thankfully, has been archived) to the kinds of ideas and topics only stoned philosophy majors would think are interesting before finally settling into a broader groove around technology and productivity.

During the nascent days of the pandemic, just after I had been laid off, a slight shift took place. A panic crept in, and I stopped writing about what I thought was interesting and started writing to a perceived audience instead. I fell into the trap so many before me had fallen into; I had written myself into a corner and as a result, wanted to crawl out of my own skin.

There were plenty of days where I contemplated erasing the whole thing. So much of the writing, looking back, is sloppy and immature. I was, too. The subjects I was writing about were stale and uninteresting, because I wasn’t all that interested in them. And the voice, which was overly fussy at times, came from feeling like I had to have a take on any given topic. And after all of that, I’ve begun to forget some most of what I’ve written.

Something I try to remind myself of whenever I feel anxious about slowing down in life is that reality is fundamentally made up of the slow, subtle, and persistent things, creating change and leading to growth. Certainly, there are days when I feel like the smartest man in the world, but mostly, I still feel dumb. There’s so much to learn and experience, and increasingly vanishing time. The art of just being, which requires us giving ourselves both time and grace, is elusive. Perhaps, that’s why I’m so drawn to the idea of liminal spaces (surprise, surprise - the millennial is a sucker for nostalgia bait) and the idea of being in transit - neither here, nor there, but moving. Hopefully, in the right direction.

So, in the spirit of Josiah Edward Bartlet, what’s next?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But if I’m being honest, I’m not sure. I have a few ideas that I think are Very Cool, but mostly, I just want to get back into what made writing (… or podcasting? surprise, surprise - the 30-something millennial going through an existential crisis might be starting a podcast) fun; covering topics that I find interesting.

What I do know is that the internet is changing, blogs are back, and I’m excited for things to come.

Stay weird.