Apple's Quarterly Earnings Report is Absolutely Bonkers

Today, Apple announced their Quarterly Earnings Report, and man oh man, what they revealed was absolutely bonkers. To break it down for you, in three months, Apple managed to sell 74.5 million iPhones, 21.4 million iPads, and 5.52 million Macs, which netted them a cool $18 billion in earnings on $74.6 billion in revenue. That's billion with a B.

Let me ask you this: what the hell kind of company manages to sell $18 billion of anything in three months time? The answer to that is no one. Apple just had the single best financial quarter in, well, ever. The company outsold three of the world's leading oil & gas suppliers, Gazprom, Royal Dutch Shell, and ExxonMobil to earn this number one spot.

The Consumer Electronics market in the U.S. alone was more profitable than a global market of oil & gas.

The Consumer Electronics market in the U.S. alone was more profitable than a global market of oil & gas.

All Apple as a company had to do to achieve this amazing feat was sell 34,000 iPhones an hour, every hour for three months straight. That's approximately 9.888887 iPhones per second. The combined sales of all iOS devices in three months falls just shy of 100 million, whereas the combined sales of Macs over the last decade is only 125 million. I'm having an incredibly hard time trying to imagine what that even looks like.

What's even more incredible is that Apple CEO, Tim Cook, said that they sold their 1 billionth iOS device back in November. To put that in perspective, Google in 2013 said that it had activated more than 1 billion Android devices.

One fairly large change this Quarter is that Apple is no longer reporting iPod unit sales, but rather is lumping them into a new "other products" category that will include Apple TV, Beats products, and the soon to be released Apple Watch. It's just part of the cold reality that the once sizable aspect of Apple's overall revenue (55.55% at $5.75 billion in 2006) only brought in $410 million - less than one percent of Apple's total revenue. In comparison, the iPhone now makes up 60% of the company's total revenue, accounting for over $51 billion.

And now with the Apple releasing their Apple Watch, a new product category for the company, in April of this year, we can expect that this time next year Tim Cook announcing that Apple made even more money, which seems completely bonkers seeing as how Apple now has $178,000,000,000 in cash on hand. That's 9 zeroes, and that is enough cash to buy Twitter, LinkedIn, Yahoo! AND HP.

It gets crazier still. In a few years, Apple has the potential to become the world's first trillion, TRILLION, dollar company.

What $1,000,000,000,000 (Trillion) dollars looks like. 

What $1,000,000,000,000 (Trillion) dollars looks like. 

That's $1,000,000,000,000. With that, they could easily buy every Tesla Model S ever made (currently around 55,000) and turn them into employee cubicles. Or, they could just causally tuck a $100 bill into the box of every iPhone that they sell.

Almost five years ago to the day, Steve Jobs was quoted saying, "If you were to ANNUALIZE our quarterly revenue, Apple is now a $50+ billion company." That in and of itself is an impressive and proud statement to make. Five years later, Apple made $74.6 billion in one single quarter, which is just insane. This just goes to show that despite being an avid and entrenched Google and Android user myself, I can say with absolute confidence that Apple is in no way shape or form irrelevant. If anything, the Cupertino juggernaut proved otherwise today.